Monday, February 11, 2013

My Freaky Valentine

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. Have you picked out that special card for the love of your life yet? No? Well, today’s inspirational post comes from the bygone days of a simpler time. And for those of you into cannibalism, slavery, and/or infectious diseases, I’m sure you’ll find one that’s a perfect fit.

Nothing says “I Love You” quite like Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever.
The official Valentine of the Donner Party.

Valentine’s Day: Mobster Style
I’m gonna make you an offer you can’t refuse. And if the threat of suicide doesn’t persuade you to love me, I’m also going to dump my body where you won’t ever be able to find it.

Tie on a book of matches to this one and you’ve got yourself the perfect treat for your first-graders class party.

Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, guess I’ll go eat worms.
Now he’d be a catch. Whine on mopey boy!

You wouldn’t think this Valentine was created in the days after women had fought for and won equal rights, but you’d be wrong.

Ahhh…the threatening Valentine.
Yeah, well you’d better treat me right ‘cause there’s a lot more fish in the sea I could get.
I ask you, what girl wouldn’t jump on this?

The radioactive mutant farm animal card – sure to keep your kids from ever wanting to visit a petting zoo.

Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz turned crazy, transvestite stalker.

What’s Valentine’s Day without a little foreplay?

Okay, I’ve never been an overly PC kinda girl, but this is just stereotyping at its worst.
And really creepy, too.

Speaking of creepy…

And not to be sexist...
I swear I’ve seen this girl in some horror movie.

This just goes to show there’s someone for everyone.
When Ren saw this she said, "That chick can get a boyfriend and I can't.  That's pretty sad."

The sci-fi version of Jack Torrance in The Shining.
“Heeere's Johnny!”

And last, but not least...

Truly terrifying to English teachers everywhere.

Ahhh...Ain't love grand?

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