On Being Buck Naked and Dead

My sweet-as-a-pumpkin-pie-with-extra-cool-whip-on-top son made a couple humorous observations this past week and I just know if I don't write them down I'll be asking John in a few months...Now what was it John-Heath said that time that we thought was so funny...  

He's seven and, as such, is prone to the following vein of thought. So, keep that in mind and don't be too priggish when reading (especially the last one). 

Observation #1:
One evening while riding with his dad past a cemetery John-Heath noticed the lights on in the mausoleum and asked John about it.

John-Heath: Why are those lights on inside that place?

John: I'm not sure. Maybe in case someone wants to visit and read.

John-Heath: Read??? What are they going to be reading. They're dead!!!

Observation #2:

One morning while sitting buck naked on John's and my bed practicing the art of procrastination - aka "dressing for school" - he picks up my small magnifying mirror. Holding various items to the mirror (make-up brushes, tweezers, mascara bottle, etc.) he marvels at how big each one now appears. I didn't have to be a genius to know what was coming next...yep...you guessed it...and it was followed by this proclamation... "Hey, mom! When I hold this mirror to my private parts it looks just like a pink torpedo!".